04 May How do we know?
I was asked yesterday how I knew that an awakening had happened. The answer is I did not until I came across the literature of Suzanne Segal and Bernadette Rogers and the concept of the Great Death in Zen Buddhism. As I emerged from the cataclysm, I was completely naked and raw, open and vulnerable. I could not even say that I was alive, I could only say that ‘something was alive’. The idea of finding the pieces of illusory me that had vanished in those 4 years, sticking them together with glue, or remodel them like a pottery sculpture or making a doll out of paper mache to represent myself was absurd. I couldn’t have anyway – the bits had blown away. What I HAD to do in order to survive physically was to re-create a functioning organism from memory and pretend I had a body until my sensations started to (apparently) normalise. In other words, I had to delude myself again to function. But… if I really perceive body sensation – there is no body, just sensation in consciousness. And – I feel very light from top to toe.