I WAS THINKING THIS WEEK ABOUT a comment Adyashanti made about the losing of the self as a somatic experience, and indeed, the question Ramana Maharshi posed about the energy of the separate self (about which I have written here already).
I was recently in face to face discussion with a Zen Master and Professor of Zen Studies who has graciously taken me under his wing after listening attentively to my detailed description of my dramatic energetic experience when I, apparently, started to disintegrate 5 years ago. Since that time, my lifetime interest in energetics and leading-edge scientific thought has taken on a new meaning, as you can imagine, as I desperately searched for anything to calm and stabilise me during the Great Death of Zen for which I had had no inkling or preparation whatsoever. The idea that such a happening could even occur was unknown to me, and I consider myself well-read in these matters!
However, something came up in conversation which I had completely forgotten, and latterly, through delightful synchronicity, I found myself glued to an online lecture given by one of the Master Homoeopaths in Mumbai who works closely with the absolute genius of modern Homoeopathy, Dr Rajan Sankaran, at his clinic, The Other Song. I have been exploring the depths of this discipline because it is energetic medicine and it fascinates me, and the software now available to alleviate the poor physician’s gruelling task of finding the right remedy through library of books is simply a keyboard-tap away. Incredible. I have been trialling it this month too. Homoeopaths in India have to be medical doctors as well before they are permitted to study Homoeopathy and somehow, these Indian masters have an understanding that is unsurpassed.
Dr Chatterjee was lecturing about the Homoeopathic ‘pictures’ of the Periodic Table of Elements. A ‘picture’ is what is showing in the patient as he describes his ailments. The Homoeopath is looking to see which of the now 7,700 remedies is being acted out in front of him – in its simplest understanding. So, Chatterjee started his presentation with an introduction, and obviously, started at Hydrogen with atomic weight of one. He described the picture: “The question for the Hydrogen patient is, ‘Do I exist? Who am I?'” And then with an off-the-cuff remark, he said, “With such low atomic weight, this patient has no ego.” I was stunned.
When I left London in early 2014 to move to Berlin 21 months into my disintegration, my Homeopath in London had been feverishly working to find a remedy to stabilise me without much success. I had to relocate because I was extremely concerned about my son in Berlin who was trying to cope with the break-up of his relationship with his girlfriend, and a mother always listens to her gut in a crisis. Ironically, he introduced me to Adya in 2013 whom he was watching before Adya became so famous in these circles, and Adya’s videos calmed me without my knowing that what was happening to me physically was precisely that which he was describing! So, I rented my house out and moved to Berlin. I am a fluent German speaker, so the only thing I had to find was an apartment. I had lived there before just after the Wall came down, but it is a new city today and finding a home was not easy with my conditioned mind on sabbatical!
However, at some point, my Homeopath must have asked me to describe my symptoms again, and I remember I was so debilitated, I had been sitting on my sofa for 3 days without daring to move because I could not negotiate physical space. She then told me to order Hydrogen from the local pharmacy in Prenzlauer Berg. Incredibly, in the land of Hahnemann himself, the founder of Homoeopathy, no Hydrogen was available on any of the German data-bases, so I had to ring London and asked the pharmacy to send it out.
As soon as the envelope arrived – and I mean the moment it came through the letterbox – I felt relief, even before I opened the envelope. These are energetic fields radiating out much like WiFi, and if the match is right, the sensitive patient knows. Hydrogen immediately stabilised me and made me calmer, although it couldn’t stop the snowballing of my disintegration – I was able to watch without the abject terror.
I had forgotten this until Dr Chatterjee mentioned it in his YouTube lecture! My leaning towards becoming an expert in this field is very strong now, because all I want is to be of loving and practical service to anybody who, like me, is hit outright and broadside. I have decided next February to fly to Mumbai and attend a 12-day Master Class with Dr Sankaran himself, and let’s see where that takes me. Dr Sankaran identifies 7 Levels of experience in his teaching – the 7th Level being the witness state. Of course, when the self goes, the witness disappears too … the telescope collapses. That will be a very interesting conversation!
If I can find a way to give a small white pill to alleviate the unprecedented suffering that can arise during the collapse of the self in the uninitiated, together with ongoing love and reassurance, then there is no question I will train in a modality which will offer that. I furthermore take a mixture of systemic herbs every day given to me by a Naturopath, eat high vibrational foods and have tripled my fresh water intake to strengthen my physical energy field. My Zen Master has told I have to re-feel my body, and he has told what to do.
We are now into September, and here in London where the summer has been non-existent, and the heating is already switched on, I hope this postcard finds everybody well and ticking over. As I wrote recently to a regular correspondent regarding self-enquiry – one step at a time, be kind to yourself and all will come to pass. These matters cannot be forced.